I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
