yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
