Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
