Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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