You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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