It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dicks are not precious.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
