I'm really into asian looking animals
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
