All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
