watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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