i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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