Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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