i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
