i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
be right there i have to get my cape
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
