oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
