Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
