someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
