WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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