No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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