dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
