3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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