Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
