Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my mouth tastes like poor choices
...so i touched it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
