I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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