One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
