Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
