I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
