well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
