she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
