Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
