I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
