Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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