We won't sleep together?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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