used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
