What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
God, I missed his penis.
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