Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
