i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
