My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
