i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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