Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
