I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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