Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
