so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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