i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
