I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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