Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
