Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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