at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
