big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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