I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He? As in you personified your dick?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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