And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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