i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
