college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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