i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
