It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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