I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
