Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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