Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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