Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
