I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
