My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
