Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
