....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
