If that was your dad, he is hot
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
