Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
