Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
