yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
this hospital has no fireball
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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