i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
