there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
