weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
