im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
